Monday, March 12, 2007

And now, for your viewing pleasure....or maybe not....

Twenty past eight on Monday night and I'm blogging. I love to blog. But not between eight and nine on a Monday evening. Because that's when I watch Prison Break. Or should I say that's when I would like to watch Prison Break . On Tuesday night its Gilmore Girls. Then I'm done for the week. Two shows. With some weather and news thrown in along the way.

As the clock crept towards eight, I downed tools, went and sat on the couch and picked up the black remote from the coffee table. Clicked the red button that usually turns the infernal machine on. The screen turned bright blue, but remained blank. Oh-oh. We'd had it set for a video over the weekend. And this was the first time I'd turned it on today. Not a good omen. Me and things electronic do not get along. Especially since we moved here. At which time the OC updated his equipment........electronic that is...... But I don't cave without a fight.

Before going into full battle mode I had to fortify myself. Briefly considered opening the half bottle of wine that lay in the fridge and chugging it. But settled instead for a cup of industrial strength tea.......No lily-livered Lipton's for me, but a cup of robust, steaming Barry's. When the going gets tough the Irish crave tea. [Ok, ok, some of them crave whiskey too!]

Thus fortified, I approached the coffee table again. And cast a jaundiced eye on the remotes lying there. All four of them. And two more on top of the T.V. Six altogether. One of them had to have a magic button that would solve my problem. So I started pressing. I pushed one that said "cable". Nothing. I pushed "tv", "info", "menu". Nothing, nothing, nothing. I pressed "cable" again, "guide", channel buttons, volume buttons, "setup". Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G!!!! The blasted T.V. just sat there, looking inscrutable, while my blood pressure rose. I would have taken pleasure in smashing something hard and metallic through it, like a frying pan. But I refrained.

For someone who should have been born in the 1800's, I think I manage remarkably well in the modern world. I can drive a car, a stick shift at that. I can operate all kinds of electrical appliances from a toaster to a sewing machine, and beyond. I recently even learned how to operate a food processor without mincing my fingers. And coffee? I can use a grinder with the best of them. But a television set? Floors me.

I've been in this situation before. One memorable night, when the YS was still in high school, he and the OC went to watch a soccer match at the school, leaving me the luxury of watching Gilmore Girls, undisturbed. IF I'd been able to turn the blasted thing on. I ended up, instead, whimpering on the couch until they returned. And with deft flicks of their male wrists brought the infernal machine roaring to noisy life. Showoffs.

To my way of thinking progress should, by definition, make life simpler. What is simple about a stable of six remotes? I have the solution. Never mind the complicated inventions of the gadget-crazed male segment of the population. What about this for a radical breakthrough----One remote. Two buttons. One turns the Blasted Thing on. The other turns the Blasted Thing off. Stunning in its simplicity, don't you agree?

At ten past nine the phone rang. The daily call from the OC. After hearing my tale of woe he told me that I could stop pouting. Prison Break wasn't even on tonight! Not until next week........Ooh. In the immortal words of Emily Latella*, delivered with her best SEG-------"Never mind."

But what about Gilmore Girls tomorrow night??


*Gilda Radner in the early days of Saturday Night Live.

17 comments:

velcro said...

I'll send the FB over. He is a genius with TVs and such - at age 2 he managed to get a porn channel on the tv without putting a pin number in. I probably should be worried, I just thought it was funny.

Diana said...

LOL! One time both me and my electronically inclined husband couldn't get the TV to work. It took our high school son to discover that we had somehow pushed the right buttons to block ourselves out of our own TV!

Liz said...

Somewhere in the frozen north the OC is suffering heart palpitations as he lurks around here reading of your threats against his electronics.

joyce said...

IN our house I am the one to figure out the remotes. It's usually the one who likes the TV the least who can do it I think. Lol. They are certainly much more complicated than they need to be.

meggie said...

O Molly I laughed. I am, unfortunately, the one who has to work things out, & like Joyce, I watch it the least.
Didn't the OC tell you how to activate it again?
BTW, I managed to get Ladies in Lavender yesterday, & took time out, on my own, to watch, & thoroughly enjoy it! Wonderfully made.

My float said...

Oh how funny. I'm fortunate in that I can manage the whole electronic business in our house. Generally. Yesterday I sent ot my students to do vox pops (brief interviews) with other students using recording equipment. I forgot to tell them to turn the microphones on. Whoops. I neatly turned it around by saying, you should always check your equipment is working properly. ho ho.

I like your idea of the on/off buttons on the remote. Excpet you need volume. And a channel changer. And a button for the video, one for the DVD, one for the pay tv!! Argh, let's just throw the whole set out!

Aunty Evil said...

Hey Molly,

I am with you all the way! I can pull a computer apart, work software, figure out all the doo dads on that.

But keep me aways from DVD players, VCRs and TVs that need programming.

And also like you, I threw a holy tantrum a few weeks back when I thought I had missed one of my faves as well. Only to find out mid scream that it was not on that night.

It is very hard to come back from a super tantrum like that when it turns out you had no reason to throw it in the first place.

I hate that.

nutmeg said...

Yes. The remote thing is getting out of hand. Apparently you can get a "universal" remote that can replace ALL your others. When I questioned Mr J about it he said "Oh yes. You just have to program it!" Well, who's going to do that?

I have heart palpatations when guests use the downstairs TV set up - one wrong move and it's all over for many hours. Which annoys me no end, especially as we only use about two buttons on each of the four remotes! What are they all for?

I got more involved in the purchasing and set up of the upstairs TV and I can usually solve most issues with that one. But we still only use about 4 buttons on each of those remotes too ;-)

Tanya Brown said...

This is a little off topic of me, but I keep threatening to go cut a piece of plywood and finish it nicely, then bolt all of the remote controls in the house to it. Want a remote? Here you go - a two foot by two foot piece of wood covered with button-infested plastic thingies.

I dare my husband and kid to lose THAT!

Lukey Barlow said...

Oh dear. How timely. I had to call the cable company last week because my channel line-up had inexplicably changed. They sent out a technician, which of course could not be scheduled until this week. He came, sized up the situation in two seconds, pushed a button or two on the remote and POOF it was fixed.

Wouldn't you think the operators who take calls like mine would know it was a button thing?

Tracey Petersen said...

Once I accidentally washed the remote control for the bedroom TV when I washed the sheets. (It shouldn't have been left on the bed, should it?) It's remarkable how unapplealing TV becomes when you have to hop up and walk across the room to change the channel. My husband has since replaced it and now we have THREE remote controls in the bedroom. Might be time to do some washing....

Isabelle said...

Yes, I so agree. I have a few favourites.. well, three.. and otherwise hardly watch tv, but I do get irked if I don't get to watch them. As for the remotes... we now have cable tv (the husband and son got me to agree to it while I wasn't really concentrating) but I have no idea how to work it. However, it does mean that we have yet another remote cluttering the place up.

riseoutofme said...

Ah Molly, Molly, Molly ... I can just see you.. arms flailing wildly, smoke coming out your ears, ranting in that genetically endearing way that you have.. just short of stamping your feet.... Relax ... you were definitely created for more cerebral activities ... DELEGATE.

riseoutofme said...

I can't BELIEVE IT!!! I actually managed to leave a comment and the puter didn't self destruct. There is a GOD.

Molly said...

I would delegate....but to whom? The cat?

Stomper Girl said...

Oy.

SIX remotes, Molly? Blimey...

I love how fired up everyone got about this post! Hot topic.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

WHY do they need 5 or 6 remotes? And why do they feel compelled to use all of them, every day?

I have also been reduced to weeping because of my inability to change the TV over from its VCR or DVD mode in time for one of the few shows I actually like and watch.

Even the chimpanzees used in lab experiments can play Mozart on a keyboard, given enough time, but inanimate objects just make me feel inadequate. I'm with you on the On/Off switch. Who needs more, really?

Gilda was glorious. I still miss her.