Friday, January 21, 2011

"Caw! Caw! Caw!" Said the Blackbird.....


My dilemma: to drive home [twenty minutes], putz around with beds and dishes and laundry for an hour or so, then drive back, or park the car and wait. Not being sure, I had armed myself with a book, the newspaper and a scribble pad, and thrown my sneakers in the back. However, it was 9 a.m.  Fields and trees still shrouded in fog. I'll stay, I thought, and hope the fog burns off. The campus is several miles out of town, set among fields and huge oak trees, which provide a haven from the heat, in summer, for the cattle always grazing there.

I parked overlooking the fields and opened the newspaper to the most important section: Sudoku and the crossword puzzle. While my brain did its morning work-out, my eyes kept tabs on the fog. The sun was slowly burning through; it was going to be a nice day. I set off walking towards a line of trees that stretched away, invitingly, toward the horizon.

The pine needles felt so nice underfoot, carpet-soft and springy from the recent rain. A fence paralleled the line of trees, separating me from a field of grazing cattle.The quiet of the morning was broken only by the distant hum of traffic and the twittering of birds. The cattle munched serenely, looking at me with only the mildest of curiosity. How now brown cow? Bet you don't lose sleep at night worrying about your calves. Didn't think so. Animals have so much more sense than we do.....Not much into fretting about things they cannot change.


                                                                                 

The path narrowed to squeeze between the fence and the woods. It's a sorry reflection on modern times that my footsteps faltered for a moment. The raucous cawing of a blackbird mocked me for a Fraidy Cat, so I pressed onward, glancing apprehensively now and again into the trees on my left, hoping that none of the unsavory characters from Grimms' Fairy Tales, or their modern manifestations, would choose this increasingly sunny morning to visit Central Florida.
 

                                                                              

To my surprise, a bend in the path brought me to a familiar park. One where we'd spent many a summer evening, watching soccer games, back in the Bean's high school days. I had it completely to myself. I passed the soccer field, the kiddie playground, and several baseball diamonds, and found a bench, and sat and scribbled, and mentally chewed my pencil and wondered......I thought by now I'd be off this particular exercise wheel, moving placidly into my dotage, but the universe, apparently, has other plans. Thanks to what could be called, depending on your point of view, [and your gender] my worry gene, my naivete/ignorance, or my dumbass quotient, here I am, still stuck on the same old wheel,  still going 'round and 'round, wondering when and where it will end. I've gone over and over it in my head and I still think I was right to be alarmed, but probably wrong to let bureaucratic pen pushers get involved. Who knew they could, with a few strokes of their uncaring, unconcerned pens, wreck such havoc with our lives?

What's that saying----No good deed goes unpunished? Ha!

Time to retrace my steps. The cattle have retreated to the farthest reaches of the field. The blackbird  raucously taunts me. Caw! Caw! Caw! The fog is gone and the sun is high in a blue, blue sky.......











12 comments:

Thimbleanna said...

Oh Molly, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it. I hope the problems will soon be solved. I don't think we ever stop worrying about our children.

It was interesting that your story took a turn of worry on the path. When I first started reading, I had danger thoughts too -- of you on a path alone. Too much tv watching, I suspect.

Ali Honey said...

The cattle do worry. at least for the first couple of nights when calves are weaned. They bellow all night long - tight udders probably don't help.
I too am a worrier. That's fine. It is when it keeps me awake at night that I hate it.
I do know that worrying about things within our control makes sense, but worrying about things we cannot change does not make sense.
Hugs for you Molly from Ali.

aubirdwoman said...

as no3 sibling said .. mum if you haven't got anything to worry about..... you would worry about that. Thats us.
btw I would like you to go to http://tammyvitale.com/wylde-women-award comment 60 because although never meeting I think we have a connection.

Pauline said...

If it's a child issue, forget worrying about worrying and just do it - it's natural. If it's another issue, see above advice. Worry for worry's sake is part of our makeup. Set the kitchen timer (or the crow) and worry well for a few minutes. Then step out onto the path again, knowing you've done your time. (And smile - you could be hearing Voices, and then where would we be?)

SoulDragon said...

Dear Molly

Thanks so much for your comment - "fossicking" is a word I use often!

I feel sorry that you are going through this bump in the road at the moment, but how great is it to be able to use this medium to reflect, share (gorgeous pictures, byt the way!) and then find support and comfort from other like minded and seasoned worriers!

I've had a couple of sleepless nights due to family issues, but things always sort themselves out and then one wonders why one was so worried.....

K xx

StitchinByTheLake said...

A reflection that speaks to the mother in us all. blessings, marlene

tammy vitale said...

So happy to find you via Birdwoman down under and the Wylde Women Award! The great thing about the award is I get to find so many people I wouldn't otherwise! Love your writing here. It's wonderful...and where in central Florida do you abide? My son (my baby who isn't) lives in Ocala.

lgsquirrel said...

Hope things will work out and the fog will lift. A very well written post that took us along for the stroll.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

I'm sorry you're having a ghastly time of it at the moment . Bureaucracy , only having stock responses , can't always immediately help , and , in fact often hinders . But if you can break through that weird frosted glass they put up , there's often a friendly soul willing to look again at the mess , as long as you don't quote them on it .
Good luck !(Meanwhile , crosswords are ideal).

jkhenson said...

I carry that same worry gene, my friend. I wish I were nearer to you to walk and mull it aloud... and to enjoy sunshine, which I have seen not hide nor hair of in recent days. The snow and frigid temps encourage me not to leave my house! :) My oldest turns 16 and I feel as if I worry more than when they were little... if that is possible! I hope all sorts itself out positively for you-and soon! :)

secret agent woman said...

We're wired to worry. Cows don't because they aren't smart enough to. Hope the walking and daily sitting are helping.

The Lass said...

Big Hugs from one worrier to another!