Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Four Decades Later.....





NaBloPoMo?

What NaBloPoMo?

Who said that?

A little glitch in computer operations and my NaBloPoMo plans were scuttled.

No matter. I was starting to feel the strain. And I do need to clean around here once in a while. And cook. And do laundry.  And show up for work two days a week. And sew. And knit. And read.  And try not to commit catricide.....

So you see, NaBloPoMo was not meant for me. Phew! I feel better having had a few days away, though at the time I was fuming. And embarrassed when the Bean showed up on Saturday, and revealed how simple the solution was........You don't need to know. I feel humiliated enough! In my defense though, I have not made much of an effort to educate myself on the inner workings and mysterious random behaviours of my computer......Because......... the menfolk, who are occasionally around here, know it all, so why clutter up my head when I can call on them? I need that space for other stuff. And after all, they call on me to sew on buttons and fix ripped seams.

I have no ambition to be a renaissance woman who changes her own oil and tires, trundles around the garden on the John Deere [I did try once. It was not a success] or understands how computers work. I admire women who do it all, but since there is limited space in my head, I'm holding out as long as I can before I'm forced to join them.. I believe in a division of labor. If they'll set the darn thing up, I'll do the blog work. I think that's fair, don't you?

So now I'm back in the saddle, so to speak, and not a moment too soon. Today is the day my oldest child turns, I can't say it -----four decades, cough, splutter, choke!

She has a much better approach to it all than her mother....

"Mom, age is all in your head!" And of course she's right. Anyone who can run a marathon as frequently as she does is certainly not over the hill.

Except, I'd really like to look now as I did, back then, when she was born.

I remember the pale pink, onion skin paper I took with me to the hospital, and the letter I wrote on it to my mother, pouring out my soul and my feelings for this tiny new person who had been entrusted to me.  Were they mad, the Gods, or whoever was in charge of such things? Did they know how little I knew about babies? How could they be so irresponsible? And yet I loved that little scrapeen [all 9lbs. 3 ozs.] of humanity with a fierceness I'd never felt before.  When I took her home to Ireland for the first time I eagerly asked my mother if she still had that letter I'd sent her in the very first flush of motherhood. She didn't have it. Could hardly even remember it. I was crushed that what was so important to me wasn't to her. But it wasn't that she didn't care. It was just that she wasn't sentimental, as I, for better or worse, am. My poor father was forever lamenting the papers, or whatever, that he had "left right there!" and she'd come along and "tidied them up," and more than likely burned them at the end of the garden!

Put it down to the raging hormones, but one memory I have of holding her and cradling her in my arms while still in the hospital, is of looking at her tiny ring finger and breaking out in sobs at the thought that some day, some young fellow [turns out he was just learning to walk at the time] would come along and whisk her away from me. Yes M! I'm talking about you....Congratulations on finding her!

So, to the beautiful girl who started me down this path called motherhood ---

Happy Birthday Lily!

Here's to the next forty....aarrgh!.

And the hell with NaBloPoMo.

12 comments:

Lee said...

Your Lily shares the birthday of my late Nana, Molly...13th November. Mine was on Sunday, the 11th November..another Scorpio!

It's all very well for Lily to say - "Mom, age is all in your head!"

You just told us you already have enough stored up there - you can't fit anything else in!! ;)

I wish I looked like I did "back then", too...a friend from nigh on 50 years ago tracked me down back in June...we've not seen each other since those days...and I know the image he carries in his mind of me is how I looked then...and he's talking about us Skype-ing! No thank you very much! I don't want to cause the poor fellow to have a heart attack! I know he's aged, too...but that makes little difference to how I feel! lol

Oh! Dear! ;)

Lily said...

What I think I said was, "m says your only as old as you feel in which case he's about 19 and I'm closer to 50.". Thanks though for the good wishes. On a very unsentimental streak around here lately - loads of stuff being tossed!

persiflage said...

Happy birthday to Lily, and thanks to you, Molly, for that beautiful recollection of the experience of giving birth and holding this new person in your arms, and the rush of emotions both fierce and tender, and overwhelming in their intensity,
It has been borne on me that my children must now be considered middle aged. What a sobering thought. It has probably not yet struck said children...

The Elephant's Child said...

Happy birthday Lily. Happy birthing day Molly. In this house two pack rats live. We both collect and hoarde - different things. It really needs a decidedly unsentimental person to make some hard decisions for us both.
Marathons? Oh wow. Still a spring chicken.

lgsquirrel said...

You did well, Molly.

Thimbleanna said...

I laughed out loud at that last line -- yes indeedy, there are far more important things than Nablopomo -- like the big four-oh. Happy Birthday to your Lily! People always ask, was 30 a hard birthday? or 40? or 50? I don't think any of them are as hard as realizing how old your children are!

Secret Agent Woman said...

I think those moments of holding your newborn and casting your mind into the future with her/him are one of the things that ties parents together all over the world. And no one can prepare you for the intensity of it or how quickly the time will go from that moment on. My mother emailed me a couple of months ago to agonize over me turning 50. I guess I'll do the same with mine.

A very happy birthday to your daughter!

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Holding my first granchild was a turning point ... wonderful , and sobering . The day my youngest turned thirty was a giant step , too .
Though , to be honest , I'm not sure I've ever really recovered from becoming 20 ...
Meanwhile , Many Happy Returns to Lily !! She sounds as though she's coping very well !

Murr Brewster said...

I had to look it up--I was familiar with NaNoWriMo, where everyone writes a short crappy novel in thirty days. So, there is a whole month just for encouraging people to put in blog posts when they don't really feel like it? Because the world needs more cat updates?

If you're not moved by this, you have a fundamental sound sense.

ganching said...

What a lovely post!

My mother wasn't sentimental either but she did keep cards and letters. It was a huge job sorting them out after she died but I'm glad she kept them.

Pauline said...

My children face what ganching above did. I keep everything that causes me to smile or weep. hence there are whole totes full of papers for my now almost middle-aged children to go through. I remember the fierceness of that love for one's newborn. Happily it comes again the moment you pick up a grandchild! Happy birthday to your "baby!"

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Happy birthday to your beautiful Lily! And happy anniversary on first becoming a mother, Molly. I completely agree with your feelings and don't believe I ever really understood love until I beheld my firstborn, and the ones who followed. (I can't believe your mum threw away your letter either.)