Thursday, July 01, 2010

Losing My Mind, One Marble At A Time



The OC is away. He is not a demanding man, but if he's around I stick close to home, because, you know, he might need a sandwich, or a cup of tea, or he might go to the bathroom and find the roll was empty, and then what would he do? He doesn't know how to make tea, or sandwiches or find where the TP is stashed.....At least that's his story [wink, wink.] So, I stick around most of the time, and we play house. Well, maybe I'm the only one playing house. He plays the overworked program manager,sitting in his cave, tearing his hair out over demanding customers who want their rocket parts and want them now and no they don't want to pay another million dollars for the five million worth of extras and the additional man hours they decided they needed since signing the contract ......

We're both up for Oscars this year. Watch for us on the big night, decked out in dazzling duds, smiling radiantly, bowing, speechifying and thanking our mothers and great-uncle Boris.

But I digress.

The OC is away. It seemed a good time to go trawling around the shops. I never got beyond the first one because it's the kind that gets last season's merchandise, and discontinued lines of all manner of tempting things I really don't need, from luxury Italian linens to gourmet coffee to Polish pottery to gorgeous German dolls to scuba equipment to extra-fine quilting pins! I could have spent the entire day in there. In fact, I only realized how late it was when the manager moved into my orbit, coughing discreetly but insistently.

Paid and left. Clutching my pins and a nice pair of casual, gray pants, original price fifty nine dollars, mine for twelve ninety nine---and long enough!

Trawling around shops, even just the one, is exhausting work and I was gasping for a cup of tea when I arrived home. Started the kettle and put a tea bag in my favourite cup. Got distracted putting away my loot, but did remember to set the timer for five minutes.

Wherever I was, I heard the timer go off, and returned to the kitchen, eager for the restorative cuppa, only to find that I had never poured the water into the cup! Sigh.

I do all the right things. I exercise; I eat my fruit and veggies; I do crosswords and sudoku every day; and still, brain cells are dying.

Last week, late one afternoon, I wasn't in the mood to make a big production out of supper. The OC was fine with my suggestion of warming up some frozen pizza. I set the oven to preheat,and while waiting I put the pizza in the fridge because I wanted the crust to be crispy. The directions on the box advised keeping the pizza frozen until ready to bake, and who would I have to blame but myself, if I didn't do as I was told, and we ended up with pizza that tasted like soggy cardboard?

The oven beeped, we were good to go. I set the timer for the recommended twenty minutes and gathered up tomatoes, lettuce, mushrooms and onions; the least I could do, since I was off the hook for cooking, was to make a salad. So I stood at the counter, humming to myself, washing and drying, slicing and dicing, carefully cutting off a good chunk around the occasional hole pecked by the birds, whose mothers, obviously, never taught them to finish all the worms on their plate, or at least to only take as much as they intended to finish.

Salad ready. Table set.

"Supper's ready dear!" I really do play my part well [modest blush.]

"Ding!"

That'll be the pizza.....except.....it wasn't! Oven mitts in hand, I opened the oven door, felt the blast of heat and saw.....nothing! [Unless you count "seeing" that the oven needs cleaning.] I stood with my mouth hanging open....

"What the heck???" Mutter, mumble, mutter....

Then it dawned on me. The pizza was still in the fridge, maintaining its crispitude!

Meanwhile the OC sat down at the table, ready for his supper. He had heard me muttering, so asked with a smirk

"What did you do now?"

Among my other services I provide entertainment, albeit unintentionally.

But, on a positive note, the oven being so thoroughly heated, the pizza, when it was finally done, was nice and crispy!

I guess I'll have to up the ante on the mental gymnastics....Chess maybe? Bridge? [shudder!]Classes in calculus? Logic? Egyptian hieroglyphics?

Or,radical thought, slow down and do one thing at a time?

22 comments:

Ali Honey said...

Unfortunatly the last one is probably the one that will help!

I don't think things like that happening necessarily mean anything but not concentrating on the job in hand.

He should learn some life skills - just in case!

FeatherDuster said...

Funny, but all too familiar. One of my tricks is moving laundry from the washing machine to the dryer, loading the washing machine with another load and returning when that second load is finished washing, to discover that I'd forgotten to turn on the dryer.

persiflage said...

Remembering what you might have forgotten or are about to forget is extremely tricky. I searched the house for the new resident parking sticker, with no success, and just the other day remembered I had washed the inside of the front windscreen, and lo, there the sticker was, neatly affixed to the windscreen. It is enough to make one blush.
Comments from the resident peanut gallery should definitely be made sotto voce.
That shop sounds great, especially the Italian linen part.

lgsquirrel said...

You are too hard on yourself. These things happen. In both cases you were probably tired and in need of sustenance. It's just a pity that you inadvertently forgot to prepare that said sustenance.

It could have been worse; you might have opened the oven and on seeing it empty decide that you must have forgotten that you already ate the pizza. :)

secret agent woman said...

That's kind of funny, and I do forgetful things all the time.

But I have to say - I often think I'm not sure I ever want to be married again and this post doesn't convince me otherwise! (Although, to be fair my husband and I had an equal partnership and he was far from helpless around the house.)

Thimbleanna said...

Oh, how we can all relate! You're tooo funny Ms. Molly. At least you're both still alive.

I'm guilty of similar events. One night I drizzled a little oil into a pan and the oil needed to be HOT for whatever I was about to put into it, so I turned the burner on and thought to run to another room for just a second to grab something. But, on the way, I passed through the living room and there was the piano. Just one song. Only it was a really long song and I'm an awful pianist, so it took repeats. I returned to the kitchen just in time to see the flame extinguish, having consumed all the oil. The kitchen was full of smoke, ceiling blackened and bottom of microwave/vent above the pan somewhat melted. {Gasp!}

It's the multi-tasking that kills us every time!

P.S. The OC is a VERY lucky guy. If I have a pizza night off, there will be NO salad -- I detest making salads more than anything -- that's REAL kitchen work to me!

Molly said...

Ali, You are of course right! Focusing on the task at hand is the answer, but so much more boring than juggling and multi-tasking! And you must know that the rest is tongue in cheek---His got all the life skills, as you call them; they just need dusting off!

Feather: Such a familiar song you sing!

Perci: I'll take you there when you come to visit....

Squirrel: I never thought that that may be the road I'm speeding down. Oh boy, can't listen to any more of that kind of talk....too scary....lalalalala!

SAW: Never say never! But if you meet someone who makes you think "maybe...." give him the sandwich and tea bag test before committing to anything long term!

Thimbleanna: You have just confirmed what I suspected all along---we were separated at birth!

daysgoby said...

I am a great believer in crossword puzzles.

Wait. What were we discussing again?

Friko said...

I know, I know, do more blogposts like this one and entertain meeeee!

Apart from that, join the club. There is so much to think of, so many interesting balls to keep in the air at the same time, that keeping track of pizzas in ovens is just too boring.

Perhaps the OC had better learn how to heat up pizza himself.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Who am I to judge .... I locked myself out yesterday and had to clamber over an eight foot fence and drop to the other side to get back in .
Praying all the while that no one was looking .....

Pauline said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pauline said...

I hee-heed and haw-hawed my way through this. I'm with Ali - OC better learn where the bread and tp are so he can take care of himself once you're drooling in the corner ;)

If it is any consolation, I put the kettle on for tea and when it whistled I poured the boiling water into the empty teapot, waited the requisite time, and poured, you guessed it, hot water into my waiting cup. I'd forgotten the tea! (Want to compare mutters?)

patty said...

i feel your pain, i just tell my self i have "sometimers", sometime i remember sometimes i don't

rachel said...

It only gets worse with age, too.

This morning I cleaned my teeth, had a shower, cleaned my teeth.... and took a very long time to realise that maybe those teeth weren't going to get any cleaner for being done twice in 15 minutes..... Still, nobody saw, unlike when I try to walk the dog in my slippers.....

Molly said...

Jess---Don't get me started on "cross words." OK in moderation, but not OK as an avoidance tactic!

Friko---speaking of balls in the air, I think that's why I like to have half a dozen [at least!] quilting projects going at once. It would be incredibly boring to work, without distraction, on only one at a time!

S&S---snicker, snicker! Reminds me of the time, at our last house which was two stories, when I locked myself out and had to climb up a ladder to our bedroom window [the only one that was open a crack,] in full view of the fascinated neighbours! My lovely German friend was with me, and as I was teetering at the top, she started up the ladder too. Since the bed wasn't made and it would have ruined my image for her to see the mess, I hastily said "No, no, no!" almost toppling the ladder in my agitation. "Go to the front door!"

Pauline---I thought of your "Laughing On The Way Out" as I was writing this!

Patty---duly noted!

Rachel---a kindred spirit! I like to wear slippers or other comfortable [but certainly not respectable!]shoes when driving, and have been known to forget to change into my better shoes on arriving at my destination!

aubirdwoman said...

ah don't fass yerself lass....remember if you get alzimers you forget who you are anyway.
did I just say remember. omg.
is there no hope for us quilting bloggers who pretend we are Domestic Goddesses.
tic. hahahahaha

StitchinByTheLake said...

My husband's father used to say he had all his marbles but some of them didn't roll. :) I think you're just distracted! blessings, marlene

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Isn't it amazing how many brain cells it requires to do everything for two people instead of just the one your brain was intended for?

I am beginning to forget small things and it scares me to death because in our home, I am really all we have. I think it's stress, and since your OC does not have AD, it would be really good if you could relax and let him do a few things for himself. He might even surprise you with his untapped abilities.

silfert said...

I feel so much less alone now... ;) You could aways come here for some cake and knitting. You know, just to keep your mind sharp.

silfert said...

A message for the OC: Beeping Slooty was a bavishing rooty! ;)

Molly said...

Birdy---You'll have to translate! I don't speak Scottish [or whatever that is!]

Stitchin'---Well it's true I'm easily distracted....

Hearts---Ah, but I'm the editor here. I decide what gets written about and what doesn't. In his defense I will admit that he does his share! I never have to get my brain in knots paying bills or making airline reservations,or making sure the loot is set aside to pay the taxes. I actually have the easy part, but still Oscar worthy!

Silfert---You have inspired me!

Warty Mammal said...

I'm charmed by your pizza story. Living with someone who did everything "perfectly" would be an utter bore. At least, that's what I tell my husband when I make similar goofs.