Tuesday, November 06, 2012

Heavy Sh*t at the Heartbreak Hotel

Have you noticed? The, so far, not-so-feeble attempt at NaBloPoMo? I can last for a week, that I know. But a full month? Only time will tell. No pressure, I tell myself. I'll just let it evolve, and if it happens, it happens. If not, why I'll gather my pathetic ambitions about myself and exit stage left.

Meanwhile, it wasn't writing a blog post that was on my mind this evening as I wrestled with a 16" circular knitting needle and a ball of blue yarn. I used to knit Aran sweaters when I was young, for heaven's sake, and here I am, closing in on my dotage, losing the battle with a mere baby bonnet! Those Aran sweaters were made on two needles. I'm new to this circular business and not adapting well. But, since sewing the pieces together was always my least favourite part of the process, I'll struggle on for a seamless product!

The Bean was sitting on the other couch, oblivious to my struggles, his brow knit in concentration, attention fixed on his computer screen. Studying? No. Googling? No. Writing a suggestion to the staff of the university gym? Yes!

For a little back story ---We've been nursing a broken heart here for a few weeks. And what does a real man do when a little wisp of a girl rips out his heart, throws it on the ground, then stomps all over it?

Why, he goes to the gym and "lifts heavy sh*t!" How else can he deal with all these bewildering emotions, especially when he has no experience of them? Rejection? If we lift enough heavy sh*t, and sweat a lot, and then lift some more heavy sh*t, and sweat some more, maybe the pain will go away.

So a lot of time has been spent at the gym lately, lifting "heavy sh*t." Trouble is, Taylor Swift, singing in the background, is not helpful when attempting to lift really heavy sh*t. It's alright the first time, but by the tenth time, brain cells are dying. Real men need heavy bass, angry rock or even, God help us, rap, to help them lift heavy sh*t.
The Bean had had enough. Time to e-mail the gym staff with a few suggestions.

"Please get rid of 93.3FLZ! I have single CDs with more variety than this whole station! You have a contract with them, they're being paid, and still they play ads? Very few people like the music, hence all the i-pods on the gym floor. Here's a suggestion; Get rid of 93.3 and put in a juke box. Then students and staff could listen to music they actually enjoy while they work out.. Please do this! Brain cells are dying! Thank you."

Meanwhile, prior to my struggles with needle and yarn, in consideration of his emotional struggles, I had been very patient and zen about the obnoxious music he'd been playing while lifting even more heavy sh*t out on the weight bench by the pool. Even though it was killing my brain cells.

 Mine, apparently, are expendable.

I guess it's all a matter of perspective.


Elephant's Child said...

Lifting heavy odure to the accompaniment of obnoxious music is still preferable to the other male habit of bottling it up and having a heart attack.
Sadly, you will get grief either way.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Buy earplugs , make muffins and knit him a hat .
And remember , "This , too , will pass".

dianne said...

ah, my favorite alien is participating in NaBloPoMo!!! i DID suspect your status, but was unaware of the green horns - must be the Irish in you, eh?

how do our babies get themselves into such predicaments?!? and why do they have to listen to heart-heavy $h!t without their headphones as they lift heavy $h!t (or, in the case of Auntia, read sad Sh!t and watch sad $h!t and sing sad $h!t)?!? maybe all of our Young Emotional Strugglers ought to get together and form a new movement - Occupy Heavy Sad $h!t

Secret Agent Woman said...

My gym seems to vary between Fox News and 50's music. Your son is actually luckier than me on the music selection.

Lee said...

Just plain knitting gets me in knots.

The first jumper/sweater I attempted to knit many years ago when I was but a mere girl and thought all things "beat" and Kerouac were pretty darn cool, I knitted myself a moss green, V-neck jumper.

Well, the "V" came down past my navel; one sleeve was longer than the other; and by some mysterious way, moss stitch, in sympathy with the wool colour interspersed with the "plain and pearl"!!!

The end product did kind of suit the Beatnik-look, though! So I used to wear it with black tights; and I thought I was pretty cool!

molly said...

EC---lucky me! Looks like I have one of each.

S&S---I always suspected you were a practical, unflappable woman!

Dianne---I'm full comforting cliches, all of which he's tired of hearing. One day he'll look back and get it all into its proper perspective, but not for a while yet...

SAM---I told him this and he said his brain would have exploded weeks ago if they played Fox News! Meanwhile, it's i-pod time.

Lee---that moss green gansey sounds tres chic!