Nothing Exploded.......

I slept soundly last night and dreamt that He who barfs on quilts had snagged a smelly, mangy looking rodent, and it was being dragged behind him everywhere he went because it was, literally, hooked onto his claw and he couldn’t shake it off! Except for when he takes it into his head to barf on a quilt, he is a very fastidious creature, so where that weird dream came from is one for Freud-for-Felines.

Anyway.

You want to know, don’t you, did I open The Box?

I did.

At first light.

And peeked in at the sleekness of that shiny new machine.

And called for The Bean to come and help, or offer moral support at least, but, only if he could do it without yelling.

Don’t get me wrong. We are fairly civilized around here. But the male contingent, in its various manifestations, is singularly impatient [and therefore predisposed to yelling] when faced with stupid questions and asinine assumptions, those being particular talents of mine, at least in realms technological.

He was like a lamb.

Something happens in the male brain, I am convinced, when a man is faced with a box of plugs and wires and new fangled gadgets. Something loosely equivalent to what happens to me when I see a tiny, innocent, newborn baby…….His eyes shine brighter, his cheeks flush, his pulse quickens, and he will suppress his natural aversion to fools and even his instinct to yell at them, if said fools will only let him be the one to figure out all the mysteries.

I know they’re not really mysteries, but I’d be a big fat liar if I pretended to be interested in the mechanics of it all. I just want it to work. Kind of like cars. Very handy for getting around. I’ve been under hoods. I’ve heard men jabbering on, about how all those pistons, and these fuel lines, and that battery, and those gauges make the car go. And it all makes my eyes turn dull and glassy, my skin turn grey and my hair fall out. And they begin to sound like the droning voice of the teacher on Charlie Brown. Then weeks later they’ll remind me that it had all been explained to me in excruciating, mind-numbing detail, and don’t I remember for pity’s sake?? You mean my efforts to look interested and intelligent were so successful you actually thought I was listening??

And you all, with your encouraging words, were right.

Just plug it in, you said.
So we did.

And nothing exploded.

One significant thing at a time, the wise Tanya advised---God, how I wish she lived next door! And one has to have virus protection, and internet security---are they one and the same? You see what we’re dealing with here?

So I remind myself to breathe, and if all else fails, go stitch a bit.

And remember to clip the cat’s claws………..