Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Nothing Exploded.......

I slept soundly last night and dreamt that He who barfs on quilts had snagged a smelly, mangy looking rodent, and it was being dragged behind him everywhere he went because it was, literally, hooked onto his claw and he couldn’t shake it off! Except for when he takes it into his head to barf on a quilt, he is a very fastidious creature, so where that weird dream came from is one for Freud-for-Felines.


You want to know, don’t you, did I open The Box?

I did.

At first light.

And peeked in at the sleekness of that shiny new machine.

And called for The Bean to come and help, or offer moral support at least, but, only if he could do it without yelling.

Don’t get me wrong. We are fairly civilized around here. But the male contingent, in its various manifestations, is singularly impatient [and therefore predisposed to yelling] when faced with stupid questions and asinine assumptions, those being particular talents of mine, at least in realms technological.

He was like a lamb.

Something happens in the male brain, I am convinced, when a man is faced with a box of plugs and wires and new fangled gadgets. Something loosely equivalent to what happens to me when I see a tiny, innocent, newborn baby…….His eyes shine brighter, his cheeks flush, his pulse quickens, and he will suppress his natural aversion to fools and even his instinct to yell at them, if said fools will only let him be the one to figure out all the mysteries.

I know they’re not really mysteries, but I’d be a big fat liar if I pretended to be interested in the mechanics of it all. I just want it to work. Kind of like cars. Very handy for getting around. I’ve been under hoods. I’ve heard men jabbering on, about how all those pistons, and these fuel lines, and that battery, and those gauges make the car go. And it all makes my eyes turn dull and glassy, my skin turn grey and my hair fall out. And they begin to sound like the droning voice of the teacher on Charlie Brown. Then weeks later they’ll remind me that it had all been explained to me in excruciating, mind-numbing detail, and don’t I remember for pity’s sake?? You mean my efforts to look interested and intelligent were so successful you actually thought I was listening??

And you all, with your encouraging words, were right.

Just plug it in, you said.
So we did.

And nothing exploded.

One significant thing at a time, the wise Tanya advised---God, how I wish she lived next door! And one has to have virus protection, and internet security---are they one and the same? You see what we’re dealing with here?

So I remind myself to breathe, and if all else fails, go stitch a bit.

And remember to clip the cat’s claws………..


Stomper Girl said...

Well apart from me being the computer expert in our house, you sound like me. I do feel it's my duty to nod encouragingly when Fixit starts telling me in minute detail about something mechanical but internally my brain is screeching "Boredom Alert" and trying to make me run away. Good luck with the shiny new 'putie.

Tanya Brown said...

You are never asinine nor do you ask stupid questions. 100 lashes of a wet noodle to anyone who yells at you.

There are certain things I've never cared about either. However, during my single years I quickly learned to feign an interest. I think the cutoff point may have been when a mechanic tried to sell me on "having a look at my transmission", an expensive proposition to be sure. While I was mulling it over, I discovered that the source of my "transmission rattle" was a loose gearshift knob.

After that, I got a shop manual for my car and stayed away from mechanics. I'm sure that in a similar position, you would or could do the same. In the meantime, though, if such disagreeable tasks can be farmed out to The Bean, more power to you.

molly said...

Stomper, I got a giggle from your "boredom alert!" Nicely put!

I hear you Tanya! I hate when I have to take the car to a mechanic. Lily was wise. she read up on all kinds of car stuff in college to protect herself from just such as your "transmission rattle." Even as we speak, the Bean's car is in the shop for a failure-to-start problem---that they "fixed" a week ago by putting in a new fuel pump!Ouch!

Are you quite sure you wouldn't like to move to FL?? There are some very nice homes for sale in our neighbourhood.....Ashamed of being such a wimp, I have begun reading the Dell owner's manual.....

Pam said...

Yes, I'm with you there. About all I know about our cars is the colour (one black, one red) and how to make them work.

As for setting up a computer...

Happy birthdays, Molly and Rise!

Lindi said...

Computer set ups? Definitely something for the males in the house, but I really take delight when I can teach them something about its use that they didn't know!~
Re dream: I was always told that if you dream about a cat, take notice of what it is near or what it is doing. It's warning you or alerting you to something that needs doing, about that item.
Happy Birthday!

meggie said...

I am still the one who has to work out all the connections for the video tv, etc. I used to enjoy it all. Now, it just makes my head hurt & my eyes cross.
I am lucky with the computer- I have a brilliant friend who is a super Whizz, & she fixes any probs.

Kacey said...

My Bean (son) ordered my Dell Laptop a few years ago. I love it, but have to depend on him or one of his sons to do any real figuring of the multitude of wires, plugs and dodads on the Dell. There was a time when "The Farmer in the Dell" was a hot item. Now, it is "The Grandma with the Dell". My son says his kids learned all about computers by looking at and under all the little tabs and thingies. I started looking and doggone..... there is a whole world of stuff to learn therein. But, you have your "Bean", so all is well. Congrats on the new computer!

StitchinByTheLake said...

I used to say that I'm really easy to get along with as long as I'm not broke, stranded, or cold. Lately I've added without a working computer and internet to that! I love new's sort of like a blank piece of paper. You just have to write something on it because it's, well, blank. New computers have to be typed on and I want to be the first one to do it! Blessings, marlene

Tanya Brown said...

Hope all is going well with the computer. Feel free to give a yell if I (or my better half) can help.

On a related note, could you please ask The Bean how he handled his wormery over the winters? I'm trying to remember what the climate is like in your neck of the woods; it seems to me that you folks get occasional freezes, so perhaps things aren't so different.